Yonge and College, Toronto - June 26, 2010

G20 in Toronto.  Tent City by my house. Rouge protesters destroy property and their credibility.  The audience is listening and all we hear is the sound of a city under protest from all sides.


They are my streets,
Not yours
Put down your fists
Cool down in the rain


Black clad cops with plastic shields
They stand in order to not move


Really? Smash the Starbucks window.
Really? Set the cop car on fire.
Really? You want a voice?
What are you saying?


Sent the tear gas over here,
I’m sad enough for it to have no effect on me.

I can’t tell which side you are on.

Where did the morning go?
lost in a happy place
productivity
making time fly
it's only when I lift my head
that time stands still

keep on truckin'..... regardless of your actual vehicle ;)

i can't remember when we were all together last
should just get used to this feeling
family as a fragmented photograph

i need a drink.
now I've had one;
no difference.

I want to be better.
I want to type with proper capilization.
i don't want to be this person
I need to stop wanting

i want them out of my house
fucked up, i know
i never claimed to be social
my true heart
loves best
with no distractions

play music
play video games
play with my head

i spent this afternoon reading old thoughts,
reading about old memories
my words told me nothing new, this time
it's no big surprise my heart is in pieces.

The day after Valentines
and I just want to be alone

i have exposed myself and others
to you
to the world.
I am not trying to be mean
or air dirty laundry
i just need to be told
i'm ok.

Maybe in the new year
Maybe another time
Could be soon
(If it ever comes)
I will live the life I should

- date unknown (cira fall 2006)


I am sick of crossing them all off the list.
I took choice for granted
And it slapped me in the face
With these pathetic options.

- October 4, 2006

There are a million other you’s.
This is a good thing
This is a world of possibilities,
Where you and I not working out
Doesn’t leave me alone

- date unknown (cira fall 2006)

I wish this song didn’t exist.
It reminds me of when we were on the same page
And the fact that we’re not now
Is painful,
And wrong.
But ca la vie:
If this is my sentence
So be it.
I wish this song didn’t exist
It reminds me of life outside.

-October 20, 2006

Before I knew what I know now….

I know our story is in me, all around me, in the farthest reaches of my world. It’s ready to come out, to sail across white paper seas. But I am anchored. Am I waiting for the outcome? I’ve got to get through this, if that’s possible. I’ve got to believe I will survive. Let me envision myself whole at the end of this. In January I will be reborn. And it will be a new year. You are the corruption of my path or the destination – I’m not sure which yet. I wish I believed in destiny but instead I know it’s all fluid. And what’s worse is all this waiting. Time is our wretched enemy. It always has been. Well, time and your need to leave, and my mistake of not asking you to stay.

I hate Australia.

Thinking of you makes me nervous and it’s beginning to seem too real. I am so afraid to lose our fiction. I want things smooth and unblemished but it’s beginning to get rough. I can feel our skin turning to sandpaper. We are getting gritty.

August 2, 2006
Revised October 30, 2006

August 21, 2006

A Monday Morning That Really Really Sucked.

This place is all too familiar
You have led me here before
Are you happy with the duplicated response?
I am destroyed.
And you are happy.

I will not find my future on a computer screen
Worst Monday morning ever.

I guess a whole new set of songs will make sense now.

So I haven’t met him yet
Ok
I can deal with the unknown.
I think
But oh my,
I will miss the fantasy of our reality
I will miss kidding myself
I will miss you
My what-if,
my never-will-be

Yes. You’ll be fine.
‘and so it is
I can't take my mind off of you...my mind...my mind...

'Til I find somebody new’

It is the death of us
The worst way for our story to end
Not with a bang (a wedding)
But with a whimper (gut-rentching sob)
I want to get through this
See the other side of this pain
This head ache
This heart ache
And now I must do it alone
It’s okay. Don’t feel bad for me.
This was always my destiny.

This is all your fault
I could have secretly loved you forever
But you had to try and make it real
Probably because you were low
And you thought maybe I was higher
But here we are
You remain on my pedestal
And I
Am low.

I can’t stop leaking

This is the worst deju va I’ve ever had.
What a way to start Monday morning.

My horoscope taunts me
The sooner I wake up

All the songs I loved yesterday
Today are my sworn enemies
Telling me things
That are no longer true.
I will not waste my life on you.

Your photo has been covered up
By a classic yellow post-it
I can’t see you, just like always
But I know you’re there
Just like always.

Don’t come just for me, I won’t leave just for you
I need a cigarette.

This is the last email I will print out and save
This is the end of our story
This is the last tear (for now)
I will start to get over you
But I never will,
Especially now,
That you’ve taken away my chance to sort you out
Henry, I must try not to think there will be another moment in time
When you appear out of no where
I have no list of dates
I have only the wish we were what we never had the chance to be.

You are short and like pets
It never would have worked out anyway.
Besides, you live on the other side of the world

Think it's time a couple of things come out of the vault (see above). To my girls: I love you all with all of my everything. Thanks for hearing most of this in person, offering hugs or laughter or a good hard kick in the butt when required. Kisses! moi.

When soul meets body

I am waiting....

do you wonder what I am thinking?
I sure do.
seems I can’t say it out loud
or I would have already

maybe I want to keep you guessing.
maybe I don’t want to find out you don’t care
maybe I like the silence

whatever the reason
I hope you are well

I am okay
just dealing with the change in season